Indiy the Gecko

Well, still aiming to write a bit about my day-to-day life here, but today not too much happened. I went for a long walk in the woods, which as always was beautiful - the overcast sky made me see the place in a different light; an almost magical light. It's strange how oddly amazing the silhouette of skeletal trees can be. Staring up at the sky, entwined with delicate branches, I wished I had a camera on me, but as always I had forgotten it for a time when I really needed it!

I spent some of the evening with Indiy, my Leopard Gecko. 4 years and he still amazes me; it may sound strange but lizards can be brilliantly intuitive. Just as I walked into my room today, he came running up to the glass and put both hands against it - he does this when he wants to be sprayed with water, and surely as always this was what he wanted. I then realised I had no pictures of him, so he had his first experience of a photo shoot today....

Writer's Block...

It's strange how I don't tend to write about my life on this blog, as that is what I intended it to be, but instead I write about the random commentary which are my thoughts...


Right now, I feel I need inspiration .... writer's block is perhaps the most frustrating of all feelings, but it's so hard to find in the confines of indoors. At least it is for a girl who spends most of her life wandering outside in nature, blown away by the complex beauty that lies within. Such beauty doesn't seem to capture me in man-made goods.


So, I suppose as I have no particularly intriguing thoughts, but am still doomed by writer's block, I should write a little about myself.







I live in North England, where I just recently moved from the south. I go to high school. Which I don't like. But next year I will be going to college to do A levels to become a biologist, and I cannot wait! The main talk at school is how everybody is so scared of going to college, but I've been ready for too long now, and I think I'm going to love it.... :)


In a month, I am moving again, to Cheshire. I visited the house yesterday with my dad and my brother, and it is amazing! It's in a small hamlet, at the bottom of a valley, isolated yet entwined in a lovely community. While there I found a badger set just behind our house, saw many rabbits, a fox, and a Buzzard swooped brilliantly close above my head. Buzzards never cease to amaze me! Their graze, splendour, ease and beauty...




I feel restless though. I love moving, and I just want to go. My house at the moment is far too normal, in a normal neighbourhood.... my new house is a unique architectural design - slightly odd and quirky, but fun too...




I'm also restless about this summer. Exuberant, excited, jittery, and restless to leave: I'm going to the Peruvian Amazon, alone, for 3 weeks. I am absolutely, completely over-excited about this venture. The Amazon has been my dream since I first watched a David Attenborough (the king of my idols...) documentary about it when I was about 5. Now I am finally going, and nothing else seems to matter! Apart from the small matter of my GCSE's beforehand....but I try to avoid this thought as much as possible!






The Amazon..... I am still in utter disbelief!







I think I was born to travel. Nothing makes me happier than seeing the world. Experiencing different cultures. Routine bores me, and change makes me feel whole. But I'm not the voice of experience; no where near, so I can only hope that my vibrant energy for travelling isn't diluted as I get older. And I hope with all my heart that my fascination with nature and animals can grow into a voice of experience....


Wow, who knew I would manage to write about myself for that long. It may just be rambling though. I haven't quite mastered the art of a blog about day-to-day life, but maybe a blog about day-to-day thoughts, and the one-off entry about the truly amazing experiences will do. Here's hoping :)





I thought I would leave on some pictures and quotes... this, a fleeting glimpse of me and a beautiful lakeside park in Devon. I never did grow out of swings... feeling like I'm flying is like a taste of longed-for freedom.
And below, childhood was always a freedom to me, so I won't forget it. Mud paint at 15, and I refuse to give up! I generally adore this photo as well - a complete accident, and we still manage to look like evil tyrants!






"Life isn't about finding yourself, it is about creating yourself."





"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you have imagined..."





"When you cease to dream, you cease to live."





"Be the Change you want to see in the world"

Innocence of Snow,

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."

Snow. A blank canvas, ready for you to make your mark. I love snow; I've seen it only 5 times in my life, but when I do see it, I revert back to being the 5 year old, excitable, ecstatic little girl who couldn't believe the beautiful little stars landing on my gloves were really there.

We all return to innocence in the snowfall. A snow day, we're all off school, and we have a snowball fight in a blizzard, laughing and rugby tackling eachother; sledging down the hills and venturing out onto an icey lake - a game of chicken.

The towns and cities become a massive playground for us all, while the countryside turns into the most beautiful sight in the world. So after my day of rolling around in the snow, I went for a walk in the woods, and nostalgia swept over me. Why can't everyday be a snow day? Why can't this uncaring happiness be never ending?

Maybe because then the moments that take our breath away, like when I was standing by the beautiful, frozen lake, remiscing about winters years ago, would simply just turn into breathing. And without moments that take our breath away, where would we be?

Life...

Life, a source of controversy, means so many different things to so many different people...here are 3 of my favourite quotes:

"Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor."
Sholom Aleichem

"Life is wasted on the living."
Douglas Adams

and my favourite...

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose."
Robert Byrne

Just a page from my diary...

Amongst craziness, I think we seek refuge, but only in our baffled, philosophising consciences.

When I feel the weight of my own self-created problems on my shoulders, I write to make the world seem beautiful; to make my knowledge seem more wise, and to make my mind, my monologue of life, seem less cluttered and insignificant.

My life is smooth with no sharp corners. No jagged glass lays awaiting to slice my independence; a shadow doesn’t lurk around the very next corner to take away the future and leave only the impressions of the past. But history tells me my experiences are padded with the cotton wool of a democratic freedom, which I am well aware is a privilege I did not have to earn.

The wise of this Earth and the wisdom of this universe say only peace in ourselves is a refuge. There is no winner. No best. As long as I am me, and you are you, and the boundary of our satisfaction is understood and not stepped over into another cluttered, problematic world of dogmatic egotists.

Why must everything we do be marked with our own independence, as if we have to prove to ourselves that we are separate entities, with different dreams? We will never be one; this is not a world of no contradictions, try as we might to be free of hypocrisy.

We are each our own person, to be wise in different ways, to create messages in art and create art in people. We, the spoilt and inexperienced, overcomplicate this mark of independence to the point of contradiction; whole cultures have emerged purely from our own sense of incompletion and unworthiness. We mould ourselves into groups, copy each others originality to the point of hypocrisy, and only feel worthy; special; enlightened, if our uniqueness is recognised and our difference adored...

Maybe the young are meant to feel bound by a false freedom; maybe it is a greater spirits aim for us to work towards true freedom: the freedom of the human race; the freedom of the mind.

A monologue no longer overcast by self-doubt.

Maybe once the will for a human freedom; a total freedom; a better world, is lost, we resort to finding our own inner peace, subconsciously giving into the wisdom of experience that tells the elderly the quest for moral righteousness across the world is no longer their obligation. A new generation can take over their rolls. Or is it only me who feels this obligation ... ?

Maybe the human race is just a work of art expressing its true colours only in the primitive, its anguished colours only in the striving, and its false colours only in the ‘developed’.

Primitive tribes whose only ambition is love and life wear white smiles, earthy colours and always sparkle with an enthusiasm for life that grey towers, grey suits, grey eyes have inhibited and killed.

Striving nations are red with blood and dull with death and sickness, at the expense of the greedy and immoral ... usually the developed nations.
Developed worlds are grey with the dullness we should not be living, and the boredom of life so many of us express. But yellow with hope. A hope that shines across the world.

Perhaps the so-called day of judgement is just a day for us to feel accomplished. We, ourselves, cannot find a meaning of life so we leave it up to a Higher Power.

I do believe in this mysterious entity, but I also believe the meaning of life is to create meaning in ourselves. To stop destroying the beauty of the canvas of the world with the stark colours of our anguished, frustrated emotions, and start creating beauty within ourselves; leave our emotions glowing, not dull; not stark, but vibrant, in such a way that an accusation of forgery would be a lie, and it would be unquestionable that each one of us would be a masterpiece of peacefulness within ourselves.

Nioki Ray

I live in a world I have yet to make sense of, with a thirst for knowledge I have yet to quench ...

I know things look different from everybody's perpective, so to some people I suppose this blog will just be a lot of crazy babbling, but I've decided to fill it with the questions life poses me and the hint of the answers I find.

My thoughts don't even make sense to me, so bare with me while I try to find my path in life, and I try to find myself.